Hauling Nitro
500 Poems by Daniel Hintz
Mar
Mariana tells me
her cat likes to play at the bottom
of the sea.
De-fucked
She's on fuck
patrol tonight, her aching jaw
is firmly set.
Sack of Poems
I'll trade you
500 poems for a laugh and a
barrel of monkeys.
Spleen Time, Again
They love to
hate everything, and they think
they're the first.
Hidden Sub-Architecture
Aliens implant code
in our brains by manipulating
baseball box scores.
First Corpse
She downloaded him
onto her laptop, as his body was
blown to bits.
Secretless
She wants to
harbor a secret, but her mouth
is beyond control.
No More Old School, O.G.
We blew up
the old school, and the new
school's in flames.
Sleepy Skater
She is burning
the candle from both ends, out
on the ice.
Mulligan
His life amounted
to a series of do-overs, set in a
giant sand trap.
Dreamland (Her Insomnia)
She swims all
night at the 24-hour fitness center
in the mall.
First Born Bomb
He calls it
The Self-Moving and Combustible Egg,
the hand grenade.
Our Old Brains
We cannot stop
trying to get a bird's eye view
on the bird.
Sussex, Wisconsin Poem
The abandoned caboose
wastes away, leaving rust stains
in the snow.
The Best Attitude
The best attitude
to take in any situation is: I
couldn't care less.
Baltimore Mind
He's new in
town, but somehow he just knows
the way around.
Ice Cream Headache Suicide
She couldn't wait
for it to subside, so she threw herself
off the roof.
The Little Death
He became obsessed
with the sound of women sneezing, and
the erotic implications.
Basho at the ATM
The machine spits
out forty dollars as he munches on
fried frog legs.
Sleep Boutique
My sleep boutique
peddles naps after lunch to groggy
financial district workers.
Abrupt and Light
She carves poems
that hit quick and then linger, like
half-remembered dreams.
Hates Live
He holes up
in his home studio, vowing endless
fidelity to documentation.
Her Neck
Her neck is
a frozen tundra, and he is lost
in a whiteout.
Tracks
She always wears
this black, long-sleeve Germs
shirt around me.
Quick Boot
We gulp beer
from two giant glass boots
at Zur Krone.
Timid Barber
The old Chinese
woman refuses to cut my hair as short
as I'd like.
Dirge Analyst
She tells him
the track lacks sufficient gravity
to foster gloom.
Dry Out Tank
He loved drawing
on their faces with a magic marker when they
were passed-out.
Nail in Board
Her crude weapon
split his skull, and the blood soaked her,
head to toe.
Piltdown Man, Man
Doyle hinted at
the hoax in several stories, but
believers will believe.
Zero, the Dangerous Invention
The elders declare
that his tongue must be cut out, to
preserve civil order.
Golden Gate Park Red Cross Center
She mouths the
words, "Good kitty," over and
over and over.
Female Jail
Biters and scratchers
isolated, we hose them down,
and log tattoos.
Spam Prevention Robot Error Poem
Spam blog characteristics
were detected, but we're sorry about
the false positive.
Boring Through the Mantle
Her eyes drill
into his inner core, and his knees
begin to buckle.
Feather in Cap
Rice admires the
pile of bodies, and thinks to herself,
"a good start."
To Die While Laughing
Angel of Death
whispers a joke into his ear as
he drifts away.
Car Wash Bird
He steals quarters
from the tin cup, and drops them
in the gutter.
Nine Kinds of Ridiculous
Have at it,
little ones, for your story is hurtling
to a close.
High and Dry (Outside Albuquerque)
She left him
high and dry, without so much
as an explanation.
In a Lurch (Outside Kenosha)
He left her
in a lurch, stuck on the side
of Interstate 94.
52 First Cousins, Scalemakers
The salaryman explains
to me that he mostly sells scales to the
sumo wrestling circuit.
Death Blow Mallet
An exquisite weapon
has cast a spell over her, and she
longs for it.
Metal Sort
Her leather jacket's
fitting sweetly to her frame, and
she feels hard.
Dump Dwellers
The simmering mountain
of garbage is their whole life,
all they know.
Watch Out
Warning sign warns
them to remain vigilant, to keep
their eyes peeled.
Kagel Barbells Poem
They talk incessantly
about strengthening muscles, so that
they may squirt.
Cheetah the Chimp Turns 75
He runs Hollywood
from his desert ranch, sipping on
banana-kiwi smoothies.
Herz Aus Glas
Her heart is
made of glass, so I must always
be very careful.
Give Me the Brick
He felt much
better after they had finally made
their suicide pact.
Very Old Vietnamese Woman With Helmet
She walks slowly,
and wears a Care Bears bicycle
helmet for kids.
November 2, 1964, 3:20pm (pst)
Dr. Bill Turman
grabs my head, and pulls me out
of my mother.
Machine-Gunned
She often dreams
of lining them all up against
the basement wall.
Robot in Bus Stop
As police watch,
the man with the gun begins to
do the robot.
The Grey Goat
God and the
grey goat lounge around, drinking rum
all month long.
Snap Election
The Supreme Court
does as it is told, and the loser is installed
the next day.
Sleeping Rough
A pile of
passed-out homeless men blocks
the library doors.
Carcass Saw
He tells me
his best seller is a saw for efficiently
removing stiff limbs.
Buster and Croaker
Her machines snap
and coo and shimmy across the
dusty theatre stage.
Garb Downside
The cab driver
hits me up for stock tips
as we motor.
Fingermen
Informants never sleep,
so we swing around and visit in
the wee hours.
Poison-Pen Circle
Her club circulates
false rumors in letters and emails, to
wreck neighborhood marriages.
Murderer Within (Awakening Poem)
They loosen ropes
that bind the killers who patiently wait,
deep inside them.
Brautigan Gee-Whiz Ratio
My poetry mechanic
adjusted the timing belts, and now the
words are jumping.
Nihilism Without Despair
We're doing shots
of gasoline, all night long, in
the match factory.
Down to the Wire
The needle's ready,
and the fax machine and the hotline
are dead silent.
Casting About
She was fishing
for feedback on her hair, but he
just wouldn't bite.
Mighty Bedbug
250 million years
later, bedbugs around the globe
begin the takeover.
Robot Psychiatry
Her robot won't
stop crying, and she's at the end
of her rope.
Poem for Dick Rodgers, Polka King
Max's Polka sends
her into an ecstatic frenzy, and she
cannot stop laughing.
Many Happy Returns
They say they'll
never go back to River Forest, they're
headed to Berlin.
The Golden Arm
Finally the drummer
buys a drum machine, and starts
to program beats.
Showroom Dummies
Right on cue,
they recite the lines that they
have been given.
Potion 7
My flask glitters
in the glow of the dying campfire,
and we drink.
Resist Religion Poem
She shouted something
about every war stemming from religion,
then ran off.
Dungeonable Girl
He likes the
way she gets herself into fixes,
like a cat.
No Joy in Mudville
There were fears
of mass suicide after the Series ended
in utter collapse.
My Best Fiend
Werner grabs his
pistol, but Kinski just laughs
in his face.
Data Mining
Men doggedly sift
through her records, pasting bits
into a report.
Squealers
Squealers and snakes
are ascending, and everyone is
now en garde.
Tumble Off
They laugh, watching
homes tumble off the eroding cliff,
into the sea.
Fuzzy
She struggles to
remember the shape and the feel
of his hands.
Insertions
She thinks doctors
may have left behind objects,
deep inside her.
My Sketches of the Prophet
Religious savages froth
and scream, convulsing like some
mass shock treatment.
Late-Night Pact
George and Tony
agree to invade no matter what, and
then they toast.
Forest Basin Alight
He watches flames
licking the sky, and he thinks: "now
I command fire."
Checkmate
He passes time,
and time passes, until finally
there's an impasse.
Stunted
She gets stuck
inside of her sentences and
can't get out.
Pelican
A pelican stands
on the hood of her Lexus,
so she waits.
Slogging Through
They plow on,
empty months piling on, and
on and on.
Earmarked
She set him
aside, in a straw box,
for another time.
Spare Me, Pal
Cut to the
chase, and make your point,
or I'm gone.
Clubhouse Buddha
The tense players
gather around his locker
just before gametime.
Blanket of Ash
The winds shift,
giant dunes of soot and ash
begin to form.
Fancy
She fancies him,
but she wishes that he didn't
spit so much.
Strangle Precious
Most artists make
her want to puke, with their
navel-gazing blather.
Loss-Makers
Rust belt factories
go the way of the dodo bird,
one by one.
When Rubber Hits Road
The end begins
with a whimper, and closes
with a bang.
Gagger
Her unfortunate nickname
was a result of her two months
in web porn.
The Sleepwalker
I notice twigs
in her hair, and dried mud
on her cheek.
Canned Frog
Her machines pack
frog legs into shiny red cans,
for global export.
10 Miles Per Second
I swing past
Pluto on the way on out,
be seeing you.
Full-Tilt
They amp up,
and wait for the police
to wade across.
Behind Space (Immortality Poem)
We spot death
crouching behind space, and we
shoot death dead.
On Leavenworth
Homeless man shuffling
by with a skeleton strapped
to his back.
Unmapped Cavern
We crawl inside,
and fear whispers to us, that
they're in here.
Server Drop
I'm key-crushing,
jamming on a long show review,
when it freezes.
Breaking the Seals (Outside Tehran)
The reactor hums,
like a big bauhaus beehive,
encased in concrete.
393
He pulls darkness
from his eyes, and drops it
in the fire.
Who Knew?
George tries on
Hoover's pumps, struts around
the Oval Office.
Hi-Def
She watches him,
making notes, and thinking
about cutting devices.
Sudden Enlightenment
Santa looks down,
lights a match, sets his bushy
beard on fire.
Corpse Test
We fried him
long ago, but now we'll
know the deal.
Gassed (Slight Misspeak)
All twelve alive,
he said, but he meant to say
all twelve dead.
Ex-Globetrotters Fan/Novelist
When Meadowlark Lemon
died, she gave up on basketball
and began writing.
Underhand (High-Arc)
The Yankee hurler
starts underhanding it up
to the plate.
Worn Off
Her spell over
him has worn off, he sees
the brutal truth.
Revel Without a Cause
He just can't
get with the scene, all those
friendly dumb fucks.
Hotmail Jones
She tells me
she's a therapist, working with
hardcore email addicts.
Turn
Luck went south
on him, and she began to
turn the screws.
Wolf, Waiting
As she approaches
the door, she sees a wolf sitting
on the porch.
Visions of Gould (at IHOP)
Glenn Gould picks
at his breakfast while critiquing
my radio program.
Save Some Skin
Radioactive rain falls
softly on us, as we slowly erect
our makeshift barricades.
It's All True (Notification)
"Heavens to Betsy!"
she cries, and then they hand her
an American flag.
When You Die
When you die,
I will burn down that church,
in your memory.
Shaking Hands
Her hands shake,
and so I twist off the infernal
bottlecap for her.
Infinity on Trial
A fiddler plays
outside the courthouse, for
TV news reporters.
Mere Shadow
Herky-jerky moves
now, years removed from the
well-oiled machine.
Tricks
Stop playing tricks,
we're trying to be quiet here,
while we hide.
Prompts
She pauses, thoughtfully,
waiting for the program to whisper
her next line.
Six Handsome Bulls
Six handsome bulls
are killed for the pleasure
of bullfight lovers.
Gato
Her cat ate
a parrot, and immediately
began to speak.
Joiners
Military recruiters roll
through the Tenderloin, searching
for wayward souls.
Secure, Miserable
No sudden movements,
and no jokes about bombs,
in our sector.
Slippery Slate
The Google Party
smashed the two-party system
with info-dosing.
Anno
The first year
exploded on the launch pad,
killing the crew.
Jonestown
They line up
to drink the poems and
go to sleep.
Contraptions
She builds unpredictable
machines that are beautiful
but also dangerous.
Porron
We pass wine
around, and soon enough we're
all chattering away.
Dream of a Key
She tells me
the skeleton key is hidden,
under my tongue.
After the Reading
He wades through
the piles of charred corpses,
cursing and spitting.
Pants Down
Egg on face,
he heads down into the bunker,
to huddle up.
Locked and Loaded
Good old boys
drop the hammer down, it's
blood on tap.
Eve Tells Adam
Eve tells Adam
to shove it, that she's moving,
to New York.
4,770 Year Old Tree Worried
Earth's oldest tree
wonders if he will make
it to 5000.
Fragments to Salvage
Her former self
is not very clear to her, so she
is often blank.
Bell Lap
Rounding the bend,
and down the stretch they come, as
death chuckles softly.
What We Want
We want more,
not much, but we must
have more, now.
Two Men Playing Dice
Outside the Economart
two pimps casually throw dice,
while they wait.
Car in Tree
Her Lexus flew
off the freeway and came to rest
way up there.
Miss Praying?
Does the scientist
miss praying as she gazes
at distant galaxies?
Noun Program Case Worker
We shelter nouns
who feel they ultimately cannot
live as verbs.
Farmers Practicing Shouting
Hooting and howling,
they heave their voices across
the dark valley.
Snow Day
The spectacle buckles
beneath the crushing weight of
the snow drifts.
Frostproof, Florida
Washed-up pitchers
saddled up to him, to learn
the knuckleball craft.
Scrumptuous
The dinner is
so perfect that they
consider killing themselves.
Fixers
We were flown
in and given free reign over
the smashed city.
Buried Himself
He buried himself
in ice, in an odd bid to
spur world peace.
100 Tons of Poison (Quiet Shore)
The dead river
flows the same, but something's
not quite right.